Can't Touch Me
by sea-youkai-Juri
Summary: It's been years since the spirit detectives (and others) have seen each other, so they decide to have a reunionx-mas party. Everyone has new jobs, and i have an obsession of writing fics about parties.
1. Default Chapter

Konnichi wa! This is our first fanfic so... BE NICE!!! Or we'll shoot you! Bwahahahaha...no really. We will O.o   
  
Disclaimer: Unfortunately we do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, though we are in the process of fixing that.   
  
Can't Touch Me  
  
By: Miyuki and Juri  
  
Inside the large, rustic yet luxurious entrance hall, several people gathered around a warmly lit colossal fireplace. A black haired man dawning a freshly pressed Egyptian cotton apron was observing an orange-haired young adult dressed in a lab coat arguing loudly with a rather disgruntled looking individual.   
  
Kuwabara: Well if you really want to know, Shishi, I happen to be a well-respected and widely known rocket scientist. AND I BET I MAKE MORE MONEY THAN YOU!!   
  
Shishiwakamaru: Well, chicks dig my tattoos more than your stupid goggles! Kuwabara: I wear these to protect my eyes from harmful radiation rays, thank you very much! Shishi: How many radiation rays could possibly be at a ski resort!!   
  
Kuwabara: you'd be surprised, Mr. Hole in my tongue!   
  
Shishi: *sticks out tongue and makes crude gestures, showing off his shiny tongue ring* nahhh   
  
Kuwabara: All right, it's on metal mouth!   
  
Shishi: Bring it goggle boy! *Lunges forward*   
  
Yusuke: After bringing to a boil, stir constantly for three minutes...   
  
Shishi: *stops suddenly and loses his balance causing him to fall to the ground*   
  
Touya: Dammit Yusuke! No one gives a shit about your cooking show!!   
  
Yusuke: and viola! You have a perfect bowl of macaroni! ^__^   
  
Kuwabara, Shishi, and Touya: SHUT UP YUSUKE!! Yusuke:   
  
Yes ma'am. I mean sirs. ^^;   
  
Kuwabara: As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted. *Glares at yusuke* I'm going to kick your ass Shishi!   
  
Shishi: Ha! I'd like to see you try, Smarty Pants! *Once again lunges forward and knocks Kuwabara down to the ground*   
  
Touya and Yusuke: *watches the two guys wrestle*   
  
The door opens and Botan, Chu, Rinku, Jin, and Ruka all walk in.   
  
Botan: Hey everyone..*Sees Shishi and Kuwabara* umm that looks extremely....... *blink blink* different.   
  
Jin: Aye, I have to agree with lassie here, that's a bit blarmie if you ask me.   
  
Rinku: What the fuck are they doing???  
  
Ruka: *with hair up in a tight bun* Attention all passengers, please keep all hands, legs, tails, and other appendages inside at all times, thank you *smiles brightly*   
  
Everyone else: O.o   
  
The doors suddenly burst open and in waltzes a short glitzy man and two sexy chicks. He was dressed in a navy blue pinstriped suit, with a silk purple shirt, shiny ostrich boots, numerous gold necklaces, a 4 kt diamond ring, a thick white gold wristband with "pimp juize" engraved on it, and to complete the look, a tilted black hat with a jaunty pheasant feather, and a gold tipped cane.  
  
The two chicks were apparently playmates. The one on the left had long teal hair that was pulled back in a loose ponytail, violet eyes, a black vinyl lace up tube top, short pink terry cloth shorts, striped knee high pink and black tights, and chunky black high heels. The chick on the right had long light brown hair, emerald green eyes, a tight red low cut halter top, red lacy spankys, black fishnets, 7 inch black stilettos, black angel wings, and a choker necklace attached to a leash dangling from "pimp juize"s hand.   
  
Jin: hehe *ears go pointy at sight of playmates*   
  
Yusuke: Who the hell are you?   
  
Man: Hn. Ring a bell?   
  
All but you know who and the playmates: *yelling* HIEI?!   
  
Doors open and a tall red-haired man come in, trying to remove the blue-skinned "thing" attached to his arm. The man was dressed in a green wet suit that brought out his eyes. The "thing" was wearing a black sweater, khaki pants, and black loafers.   
  
Redhead: Hey Hiei.   
  
Hiei: Yo Kurama, what up?   
  
Everyone but Hiei, Kurama, the "thing", and the two playmates: KURAMA?! HIEI?! YOU KNEW HE WAS... *confused babbling*   
  
Kurama: Hey, I found this thing in the parking lot, is it yours? *Holds his arm up*   
  
Thing: Oh Kurama, you this shade of eye shadow goes so well with your complexion. Don't deny the make-up!   
  
Everyone else: Gama!?   
  
Kurama: GAMA? WHO'S GA-AHH! GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME! *Flails arms around, and finally manages to shake Gama off*   
  
Gama: *hits wall* Ow...   
  
Jin: 'Ey! No one cares about this gay wad! I wanna know who they are! *Points to playmates*   
  
Right Playmate: *sees Shishi and Kuwabara still wrestling on the ground* Don't you remember us?   
  
Left playmate: *separates the two fighters* Yeah we had a very important role in the Dark Tournament.   
  
Both: *bring out microphones from their shirts*   
  
RPM: On this side, Kuwabara!   
  
LPM: And on this side, please welcome Shishiwakamaru!   
  
~*~*~*~*~* So…what do you think about it so far? It's pretty obvious who the two playmates are, right? Is it good or should I- I mean WE take it down? Also we'll tell you everyone's new careers in the next chappie (if you peeps think it's good enough of course) Please review! And no flames please, cuz we'll just use them to start a structure fire…well that's actually not a bad idea once you think about it… 


	2. Cabin Assignments

Hellooooooooooo We're back. Gomen nasai. It took us a while to write this cause my comp is being a pothead, stupid homework is taking up our lives, and all that crap, but you don't care what we have to say do you? So I guess we'll just do the disclaimer now. We do not own Yu Yu Hakusho! Leave us alone you sick bastards!! No not you! The person behind you, yeah you over there…  
  
Can't Touch Me Chapter 2: Cabin Assignments  
  
Yusuke: Hey you're the two announcer chicks!   
  
Koto and Juri: Yep! ^__^   
  
Kurama: Hey, Koto's hair got longer. It's almost as good-looking as mine *flips hair*  
  
Koto: You bet, sexy. *Winks at him, and is pulled back by Hiei*   
  
Touya: Well, now that we are all here, I, as owner of this glorious facility, will assign cabins.   
  
Jin: *off looking at stuffed animals on wall* Look at the size of that moose! It's got razor sharp teeth! Rar! RAR! *Makes hand into puppet and pretends to bite Yusuke's ears* RAR RAR! *Runs off* Rar! I'm a moose!  
  
Yusuke: Hey Touya! You've got redheaded mosquitoes the size of a large animal.  
  
Jin: *rushes back into room with no clothes* I'm one with nature!! Whee! *Runs off…again*  
  
Touya: Ok *eyes Koto* Koto, Kurama, and *pause* Gama you all are in Cabin 1.  
  
Hiei: *looks quickly to his side, and then to his hand to see Kurama taking the leash away* Hey hey hey! Put it down! What do you think your doing? Touya! I demand a recount!  
  
Kurama: nope not gonna get one! *Walks with leash and Koto in his hand*  
  
Hiei: *yells after Kurama* Ok bitch! One wrong move, and touch her, and I will be forced to arrange to have your legs broken.  
  
Kurama: ^__^;  
  
Hiei: And you the blue thing! Touch Kurama and I'll personally puke.  
  
Koto: So Kurama, it's been a while, lets get reacquainted. We should you know…talk.  
  
Hiei: *glares*  
  
Touya: Ok next in Cabin 2 is Shishiwakamaru *eyes Juri* and Juri.  
  
Shishi: Who's Juri? Do I know a Juri? Juri? Will the real Juri please stand up? *Looks around*  
  
Juri: HERE I AM! *Jumps up on pool table, grabs pool stick and begins to dance and mind you this isn't wholesome dancing*  
  
Shishi: So that's Juri…WHOO-HOO SCORE. IN YOUR FACE KUWABARA! WHO'S YOUR DADDY NOW?  
  
Hiei: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!? IF YOU THINK I'M GONNA STAND BY WHILE BOTH OF MY "EMPLOYEES" ARE STOLEN FROM UNDER MY VERY RICH AND DESIRABLE ARMS, THEN I WILL BE FORCED TO SHOOT YOU…ALL OF YOU.  
  
Everyone: *not listening*  
  
Hiei: *jumping up and down while ranting*  
  
Jin: *runs by window outside…still naked* I'm Mother Nature's son!  
  
Touya: Um. Botan and Rinku, you take Cabin 3.  
  
Botan: Bingo!  
  
Rinku: *smoking joint* Yeah whatever.  
  
Touya: Yusuke and Chuu get Cabin 4.  
  
Yusuke: Great! Now I get a chance to show you how to make a perfect shrimp fettuccini. ^__^  
  
Chuu: And murder all those innocent crustaceans! Over my dead body!  
  
Touya: O.o Ruka, you and I will be in Cabin 5.  
  
Ruka: Please fasten your seat belts as we are expecting some slight turbulence. Thank you ^__^  
  
Touya: Everyone else partner up and you can have Cabin 6. Ok now everyone go to your cabins, unpack, and we'll all meet back here in 4 hours so we can reunite.  
  
Hiei: *looks around*  
  
~* Later outside Cabin 6*~  
  
Kuwabara: Gee Hiei, how ironic. Just think you and me sharing a cabin for a week. Yep. One long week. *Walks inside*  
  
Hiei: *follows Kuwabara* Dear Lord if you pity me strike me down with lightning! STRIKE ME NOW!  
  
Kuwabara: Wow Hiei, you've got fancy….  
  
Hiei: Don't. Touch. Anything.  
  
Kuwabara: Yes sir. *Pouts as he unpacks a chemistry set that contains 5 test tubes, 2 beakers, various bottles, and a radiation proof blanket*  
  
Jin: Hey guys! I'm gonna stay with you all eh!  
  
Hiei: Look Jin! A moose!  
  
Jin: WHERE? *runs back outside and is locked out* HERE MOOSE! C'MER! MOOSE! MOOSEY! WHERE ARE YOUUUUUU? THERE YOU ARE! *chases a random person*  
  
~*In Cabin 1*~  
  
Gama: Kurama, what shampoo do you use to give your hair that lustrous shine? Do you follow the directions? Do you rinse and repeat? Do you use conditioner? You do don't you? I knew it, I knew it! You've been holding out on me!  
  
Kurama: …KOTO! HELP MEEEE!  
  
Koto: Five bucks buddy!  
  
Kurama: But-But I don't have five bucks!  
  
Koto: Five bucks or I leave you to the blue "It"  
  
Kurama: Fine, fine *pulls out wallet* Will a ten do?  
  
Koto: Perfect! Now we talk. *Pulls Kurama into the closet with her and locks the door*  
  
Gama: Kurama? Kurama? My dear where are you? No my love come back! We have shampooing to do! KURAMA!!!!!  
  
Jin: *walks in* hey can I…  
  
Gama: Oooh! Such beautiful eyes!  
  
Jin: never mind eh! *Runs out*  
  
~*Cabin 3*~  
  
Botan: So what do you do with this thing?  
  
Rinku: You inhale it, genius.  
  
Botan: Oh is this the new rage all you young peoples are doing today? I always try to keep up with the trends. So when is this thing gonna take effect….whoa! Hahaha look at the colors! It's like a rainbow, but 3-D. Where are all these pretty noises coming from? It's like an orchestra in a blue-tinted bubble. An underwater bubble.  
  
Rinku: hehe right about now.  
  
Botan: Why do I feel so happy? So very happy.  
  
Rinku: O.o   
  
Jin: *walks in* can I stay with you all?  
  
Botan: Wow I can see my hand! It's dancing!  
  
Jin: Really eh? Lemme see!!  
  
Rinku: Away! *Kicks Jin out*  
  
~* Cabin 4*~  
  
Chuu: Put that lobster down! What do you think you're doing? What is that pan of boiling water for? NO, NO DON'T PUT HIM IN THERE, HE'LL DIE! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, COOK HIM?  
  
Yusuke: Well why else would he be in a boiling pot of water?  
  
Chuu: WHAT IF HE HAS FAMILY! WHAT WILL HIS WIFE DO? THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN! PUT HIM DOWN OR THE COOKING PANS GET IT!  
  
Yusuke: NOOOOOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! FINE YOU WIN. *Throws lobster at Chuu's head*  
  
Lobster: *Attaches to Chuu's nose*  
  
Chuu: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GET IT OFF! *Bangs head on table*  
  
Jin: *walks in and bites Yusuke's ears* hey can I…  
  
Yusuke: AAAHHHHHHHH! ATTACK OF THE LOBSTERS!!!!! *Faints*  
  
Jin: oooooooooook *quietly steps out*  
  
~*Cabin 5*~  
  
Touya: So Ruka, what do you think of my estate?  
  
Ruka: hmm. It needs an airplane, and then I can work for you! ^__^  
  
Touya: yes, work for me indeed. We will put you to good use. *Locks door*  
  
Ruka: hey. Why did you lock the doors?  
  
Touya: to keep the bears out.  
  
Ruka: I didn't see any bears.  
  
Touya: Of course you didn't.  
  
Ruka: So why did you…  
  
Touya: *gently* shut up.  
  
Ruka: Ok! *Grins happily*  
  
Touya: *sighs* it's gonna be a long week.  
  
Ruka: Look a turtle!!! *Runs into different room*  
  
Jin: *breaks down door and walks in just in time to hear about the "turtle"* Ooh a turtle eh! Where where? Oh by the way, I'm staying with you guys eh.  
  
Touya: Yeah, WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER!! *Throws Jin out poor Jin!*  
  
~*Cabin 2*~  
  
Shishi: *follows Juri inside cabin, carrying all of her junk, and trips over threshold. Jumps up and leans elbow on doorframe* So.Juri. Looking good baby!  
  
Juri: Listen spike boy! *Shoves Shishi against couch* I like the way you think. *Seductive grin*  
  
Shishi: *raises pierced eyebrow* and I like were this is going.  
  
~*10 minutes later*~  
  
Jin: *bursts through door, holding video camera. * Son of earth is cold. I'm gonna bed down with you guys eh. Where are they? Oh well. *Shrugs and turns on video camera on* here we have a vase with one of my fellow breath rend, the moose. And this is the wall, here's the floor. And here's the couch, hmm.why is it upside down eh? *Walks over to couch and points video camera under it* Hey look! It's Juri and Shishi eh! Shishi, why are you on top of…hey…eh. YOU SICK MINDED PEOPLE! THERE ARE LITTLE CHILDREN PRESENT! *Looks around* wait no there aren't. Who's up for some ale eh? *Goes into kitchen in search of "ale" Returns a couple of minutes later with video camera still on* Oh look! It's Shishi and Juri again. SHISHI! WHY ARE YOU BITNING JURI! STOP THAT YOU FIEND! *runs over and begins to kick Shishi*  
  
Shishi: SHE OW ASKED OW ME OW TO OW *CRUNCH* OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW! MY SPLEEN! THE PAIN!  
  
Juri: Jin dear…  
  
Jin: Yes?  
  
Juri: There is a moose outside.  
  
Jin: really?  
  
Juri: Yes, and he's beckoning for you.  
  
Jin: I'm being called! Finally! WAIT FOR ME MY BROTHERS! *runs back out*  
  
Juri: So…  
  
Jin: *runs back inside, looks at Juri, then Shishi, grabs video camera, and runs back out*  
  
Shishi: *On ground in pain* owies.  
  
Juri: Aw. Poor baby. *"heals" him in a manner that is not suitable for children*  
  
Ok, so like i said, sorry it took so long. please R&R, i'll give you a cupcake if you do. ^_~ 


End file.
